I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
