i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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