I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
