That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
