Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
