I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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