I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
