you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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