: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
