she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
