Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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