she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
