Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize