So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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