bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
