you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
