i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
