Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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