Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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