Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
