And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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