how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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