Cold hands, warm shart.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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