3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize