Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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