Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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