yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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