Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize