it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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