first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
