i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The best revenge is premature balding
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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