9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
