Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
