I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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