i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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