the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
