i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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