"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
