I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
