quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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