he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We need a shit load of segways right now
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
