Tell her she can't have a vagina
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Randomize
