Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
