How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
