why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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