Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
