I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
