it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
