Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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