There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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