i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
