Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
