I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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