I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
two words...techno handjob
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
