oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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