I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize