Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
