You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
