i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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