He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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