oh god the rape fog is back!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
