If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
