You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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