I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
