some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
