And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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