Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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