weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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