my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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