How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
