Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
