living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
