im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
