his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
