Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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