Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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