Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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