I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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