there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
