I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
