im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
