Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Someone shattered a urinal.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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