Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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