I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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