So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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