i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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