you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
