omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
