are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
