I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We are two peas in an std pod
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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