Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
