you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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