Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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