i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
