last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We have started to decorate penises.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
