Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
People in love make me want to vomit
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
