yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
