Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
