she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
