girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
