Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
