Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
