dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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