i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
