I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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