Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
