toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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