she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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