Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
