I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
