This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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